How Hot Is It At Kentucky Speedway Today?

It’s so hot at Kentucky Speedway today that… 

…Ice is selling for $39.95 per bag. 

…NASCAR President Mike Helton is in the Sprint Cup garage wearing shorts, a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops. 

…Sam Bass’ crayons melted. 

…Kurt Busch decided it’s too hot to yell at his pit crew. 

…Elliott Sadler offered Jacques Villeneuve a glass of lemonade.  

…Cale Yarborough just quit and went home. 

...Bruton Smith announced, “Let the SOBs park themselves.” 

…The mountains on those Coors Light “Cool Cans” have completely disappeared. 

…Matt Kenseth became disoriented and climbed into the No. 20 Toyota. 

…Jimmy Spencer’s hair spontaneously combusted. 

…Danica Patrick is EVEN HOTTER. 

…Satan is wearing a Speedo. 

…Kyle Busch’s M&Ms just melted in his hand. 

…Joe Gibbs described it as, “Gosh-darned sticky,” then apologized for his language. 

…Infield campers are sitting close to their campfires to cool off. 

…Brad Keselowski put a 12-pack of ice cold Miller Lite down his pants. 

…Allen Bestwick is SWEATING! 

…Richard Petty traded his cowboy hat for a cowboy visor. 

…Greg Biffle stripped to his boxer shorts and ran through the garage screaming, “Help me Oprah Winfrey!” 

…”Baby Otis” Harvick delivered himself and went out for ice cream.