Thursday, June 15, 2006

Things That Really Tick Me Off

The older I get, the more I find myself becoming annoyed by things that didn’t used to bother me at all. I laughed at the movie “Grumpy Old Men,” but now, I see myself becoming one of them. Things that used to pass unnoticed now ruin my entire day, and I fear it’s only a matter of time before I begin berating innocent waitresses because the romaine is wilted at the salad bar.

One of my pet peeves is people who say stupid things, apparently without thinking. Not a week goes by without someone asking, “Who do you think is going to win this week?” If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn’t be hosting a satellite radio talk show. I’d be playing the ponies at Aqueduct!

People often tell me, "life is short.” They’re wrong. Life is NOT short. It’s the longest thing we will ever do. So stop telling me that.

I also hate people who say, "Can I ask you a question?" No matter how I reply, it’s too late. They just did.

I’m sick of TV ads that call their product “new and improved.” Common sense tells us that something cannot be both “new” and “improved.” It’s one or the other, but not both.

And when I’m watching a movie, please don’t tap me on the shoulder and say, "Did you see that?" I spent $55 dollars to fill the car with gas, drove to the movie theatre, and paid $27 for a ticket, a box of over-salted popcorn and a flat Diet Coke. What do you think I’m doing, watching Milk Duds roll across the floor?

Around the house, I have issues with teenagers who will spend 20 minutes searching for the T.V. remote, but refuse to walk eight steps to change the channel manually. Have we become so lazy that we’d rather endure a three-county search for a misplaced “clicker” than drag our bloated carcasses across the room?

And finally, why do people insist on pointing at their wrists when asking for the time? I know where my wristwatch is, and I don’t need anyone’s help to find it! Why the sudden outbreak of sign language? Should I point at my crotch to ask where the men’s room is?

Thanks for listening, everyone. I feel a little better.

6 comments:

  1. Dave,

    Sounds like someone needs to get laid...

    ...just sayin'

    Love the show!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You make me laugh. Those are fairly universal things. I can remember my father saying, "I'll never be so lazy that I won't get off the couch to change the channel." HA! My how times change.
    Give yourself a little credit - I don't see you yelling at the waitress because your lettuce is wilted. I can only imagine that you'll yell at them when blubber is hanging out of their tight little orange shorts and you offer them $20 to put some clothes on.
    God love you , Dave Moody!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Get a grip Dave, You are beginning to sound like my wife

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dave, I agree 100%. But in a way, isn't it kinda fun to say all that crap to the younger kids that our elders used to berate us with? I think so. Great website and as always, the best show on Sirius! BigMike

    ReplyDelete
  5. You sound like Andy Rooney, I hope your not starting to look like him too!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous8:52 AM

    Dave you and I are so much alike!! I deal with the public in retail sales and am amazed on some of the things people say. It makes you wonder how they function in real life. Keep it real!

    ReplyDelete