10. Any driver whose name on the roof is written larger than the sponsor on his rear quarterpanel.
9. Television and radio announcers who watch a group of NASCAR drivers exiting pit road en masse and exclaim, “It’s a drag race!” I’ve been to a few NHRA events, and in my opinion, any “race” that includes a 35 mph speed limit is no race at all.
8. Callers to national radio shows that preface their comments with a 15-minute expose on which driver they root for, and why.
7. Public relations people who critique their performance based on how many times they said “no” today.
6. Drivers who’ll talk for an hour after a win, but won’t talk at all after the wreck. I understand it, but I still don’t like it.
5. Anyone who sticks a microphone in the face of a driver who has just walked unaided from the Infield Care Center and asks, “Are you okay?”
4. Reporters who describe a driver or crewchief as having “a big smile on his face.” Where else would he be wearing a smile, if not on his face?
3. Drivers who respond to the question, “What happened to trigger that wreck in Turn Three?” with the words, “The Clem’s Body Shop/Spiffy Mart Chevrolet was running great today, and I’d really like to thank all the guys back at the shop for giving me such a fast hotrod.”
2. Racetrack PR people who write in the conditional tense. It’s not, “Jerry Leadfoot would take the lead on lap 17 of the main event.” It’s, “Jerry Leadfoot took the lead on lap 17 of the main event.”
1. Drivers who dump the leader on the final lap, then act like they just discovered a cure for cancer in Victory Lane.