Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Bite Me, Mike

Just when I had decided I didn't need any more reasons to dislike seven-time World Driving Champion Michael Schumacher, he gave me another.

Schumacher said last weekend that he has no idea why Juan Pablo Montoya would possibly be interested in NASCAR, saying, "Personally I wouldn't do it. What do you do in NASCAR? What is exciting? I can't see it, running around on ovals. They are heavy, low developed cars compared to Formula One. There is no challenge for me."

For the record, this is the same Michael Schumacher who preened in front of the cameras after "winning" the 2005 U.S. Grand Prix, when virtually everyone else pulled off the track and refused to race. The same Michael Schumacher who built his career off the ridiculous financial advantage enjoyed by his Ferrari team, and who now is getting his arrogant keester kicked by Fernando Alonso in the Formula One championship standings.

For the record, Mike. here are a dozen reasons why a few million of us prefer NASCAR to Formula One:

1) NASCAR puts on races, not parades. I can go down to the AMTRAK station and see more passing than you've got in most Formula One races.

2) In NASCAR, more than two teams have a chance to win each week.

3) With the possible exception of Michael Waltrip and Kerry Earnhardt, you can't get a ride in NASCAR by being someone's brother. Your brother Ralf can't drive nails, but he's still got a job. `Splain that one to me, Lucy.

4) Nobody "challenged" you to drive in NASCAR. Nobody even "wants" you to drive in NASCAR, though I would enjoy seeing you run screaming from Bristol Motor Speedway after crashing 12 times in 25 laps. It'll never happpen, though. You haven't got the stones for it.

5) Mike Helton could kick Bernie Ecclestone's ass, easy.

6) NASCAR team owners have rugged, manly names like Rick, Jack and Richard. It is impossible to take anyone named Flavio seriously.

7) Speaking of Flavio Briatore, he no longer has the market cornered. Jeff Gordon is sleeping with a supermodel, too!

8) Coors Light beats Merlot every time.

9) Other than at California Speedway, you cannot get a pedicure in the NASCAR garage. Can Formula One say the same? I think not.

10) NASCAR has a King (Richard Petty). The best F1 can do is Prince Rainier.

11) Two words: Jacques Villeneuve.

12) In Formula One, one slight incident of contact means the end of the race. In NASCAR, one slight incident of contact means the race is about to begin.


  1. Anonymous3:19 PM

    ohh dave.. your soooo blue collar. You probably laugh at Larry the Cable guy too dont you. Actually i agree with you on some points, but i like Formula One, i like the cars i like the tracks , i like the glamour.. but i like nascar too ( shhh dont let my wife know, she hates it ) I agree with you on Shummi.. dont like him one bit, id love to rout for Ferrari, but i cant with Shummi driving.
    But come on Dave Coors lite beats Merlot every time? Dave, thats piss water beer. you really need some culture if your think coors light beats anything. Im gonna have to buy you a real beer next time your at PIR.

  2. Anonymous5:35 PM

    I could care less for the "Chin" or for F1 for that matter. Coors Light? Come on Dave you must be pretty limber from all that stretching.

  3. Anonymous8:47 PM

    Dave, Dave, Dave...

    These stupid "my kind of racing is better than yours" arguments beat me down. If you're a real racing fan you appreciate all forms. Some NASCAR races are great, others not so much. Same for IRL, Champ, NHRA, IHRA, Motocross, F1, World Rally, snowmobile, lawnmower. Just because someone PREFERS a certain type of racing it does not logically follow that it is the best.

    BTW sounds like you need to get laid again :)

  4. Anonymous10:04 PM

    Dave, I listen to Siris Speedway every chance I can get,and I like the show alot. You are very knowledgeable in many forms of racing. I do not think you should let Mike S. get to you that way. Take it for what it is worth, sometimes Mike thinks he's a champion sumo wrestler and those without his awards are just "wipers". One difference I see between F1 and Nascar is that Gordon/Stewart/Busch would not make a statement like that in the first place. It humbles our guys somewhat to have to fight for every point they get in every race. I wonder if you could come up with twelve serious reasons why you like Nascar better than F1. I couldn't, but I may be able to list twelve why I don't like Micheal. Have a good night.

  5. Boys, Boys, Boys --

    It's a JOKE! I thought comments like "Mike Helton can kick Bernie Ecclestone's ass" would have made that clear to everyone, but apparently not. If you've ever listened to the show before, you've heard my "all racing is good racing speech."

    Please don't take life so seriously, and yes, I do drink Coors Light.

  6. Anonymous7:26 AM



  7. Anonymous9:40 AM

    Don't look now, but Alonso has a fight on his hands for the WDC.

    I think Shuey is one of the best ever to step into an F1 car. Unlike most F1 drivers, he actually shows some emotion on the podium after races (certainly a lot more tolerable than the Raikkonen screech).

    Do you realize how close he came to driving a Cup car.

    A couple years ago in-between the Canadian & US Grand Prix he was riding motorcycles in TX with some friends when they stopped by Texas Motor Speedway and stood in line to take a one day driving course from one of the racing schools down there. Apparently the line was rather long, and after waiting a while they decided to continue on with their travels, with most of the people never realizing they were standing in line with one of the greatest Grand Prix drivers of all time, just waiting to ride in a Cup car - true story.

  8. Anonymous3:36 PM

    Just for the record Dave.. i was commenting all in jest as well. Listen every day ( almost, some days i just gotta tune in and see what crazy crap Bubba is doing ) Love the show, and the blog dave, keep up the good work. I think you aught to try a nice Fat Tire. Now thats a good beer.

  9. Anonymous12:07 PM

    Jeez Dave, If you had watched the 2005 U.S. Grand Prix, you would rember that Shu didn't even celebrate, didn't touch the champagne and was very sad and embarrassed for his sport in the post race interviews. Guess You have forgotten that, and instead need to take a cheap shot at one of the greatest racers of all time.

  10. Lord, no matter what you might put me through in life, PLEASE don't make a humorless dry-heave like "Anonymous."

  11. I'm thinking that it wasn't a joke, Dave. I think you made your comments without anticipating the raving F1 audience that you have irritated and now are backpedaling better than the Bush administration. However I did like your Jacques Villneuve comment. That truly was funny. How exactly did he win the driver's championship? Did they slip a jet engine in the back of his car that year or what? Say what you will about Schumi, and he of course can be a pompous twerp, but he is the best driver on the planet hands down. He was successful before his days at Ferrari, and you don't have many sports that have only 1 name to all of the records, no matter what sport you speak of. Tony Stewart, eat your heart out. You don't even come up to Schumi's ankles! Couldn't post without a Stewart insult there. It would be nice if you could have a little more discussion of F1 on your show; just a simple request. Many days it seems like the NASCAR channel and I just switch off. -Matt

  12. Yeah, Matt, I'm a real slave to public opinion. I am also the guy that predicted (in early July) that Dale Jr. would not make the 2005 Chase For The Championship. I got tatooed for weeks on that one, but ended up being right. You can't have thin skin and work in this business.

    As far as putting more Formula One talk on the show, it seems like every time we discuss F1 for more than a few minutes, the phones go dead. Coincidence? I think not.