9. Watch satellite engineer Mike Weaver put more paper in the MRN fax machine. WARNING: Shockingly low entertainment value. Use only in extreme emergency.
8. Eat another piece of Linda Cressman’s peach pie, after wrestling it from the grasp of NASCAR Hall Of Fame Executive Director Winston Kelley.
7. Answer 1,276th Tweet asking what time the race is expected to start. Standard answer: WHEN IT STOPS RAINING!
6. Listen to pit reporter Alex Hayden bemoan International Speedway Corporation internet guidelines preventing him from cruising midget porn sites.
5. Take another nap.
4. Suffer through pre-race host Kyle Rickey’s latest dissertation about Ted Christopher being the greatest racer in the history of the world.
3. Watch a group of fans connect a series of random women’s brassieres and play jump rope. (Really, This happened.)
2. Mop up the drool puddle underneath pit reporter Steve Post as he selects photos for his “Around The Track” food website.
1. Laugh as Chief Engineer Doug Watson works to repair faulty computer monitor, only to discover that it’s not plugged in.