Sunday, February 05, 2012

Super Bowl vs Daytona 500: Who Wins?

With Super Bowl XLVI now in the record books, all eyes turn to NASCAR’s annual Sprint Cup Series lid-lifter at Daytona International Speedway. In an effort to compare and contrast two of America’s most popular pastimes, here’s a head-to-head breakdown of both events.
Tartar Sauce ROCKS!
Super Bowl XLVI: Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, Indiana.
Daytona 500: Daytona Int’l Speedway, Daytona Beach, Florida.
Advantage: Daytona. Ever been to the beach in Indiana? In February?

Super Bowl XLVI: New York Giants/New England Patriots
Daytona 500: 43 teams.
Advantage: Super Bowl. Not as many losers.

Pre-Race Coverage
Daytona 500: Two hours.
Super Bowl XLVI: Two Weeks
ADVANTAGE: Daytona 500. We don’t care that Giants QB Eli Manning used to put tartar sauce on his toast as a child. We also don't need a song-and-dance production number featuring all seven NBC prime time stars singing about the "Brotherhood of Man." Sheesh!

Anyone seen my pants?
Media Day Highlight
Daytona 500: SPEED analyst Rutledge Wood’s pants fall down while interviewing Greg Zipadelli.
Super Bowl XLVI: Brazilian porn star Carlotta Canz offers Tom Brady a complimentary “pre-game pick-me-up.”
ADVANTAGE: Absolutely none. Unless you’re Tom Brady.

National Anthem
Daytona 500: Country superstar Martina McBride
Super Bowl XLVI: Former American Idol winner and country sorta-star Kelly Clarkson.
ADVANTAGE: Martina. She sings it like it was written.

Starting Time
Daytona 500: 1:00 PM ET
Super Bowl XLVI: 6:30 PM ET
ADVANTAGE: Daytona. I’ve got to watch “Desperate Housewives” at 9:00.

YOU Make the call!
Ogle Factor
Daytona 500: Danica Patrick racing in a full-length Nomex firesuit.
Super Bowl XLVI: Danica Patrick rocking a bikini.
ADVANTAGE: You’re joking, right?

Most-Analyzed Body Part
Super Bowl XLVI: Patriot TE Rob Gronkowski’s sprained ankle.
Daytona 500: Danica’s…um…headlights.
ADVANTAGE: Gronkowski. Daytona is not a night race.

In-Game Analysis
Super Bowl XLVI: Rumblin’, bumblin’ stumblin’ blowhard Chris Berman.
Daytona 500: Dr. Jerry Punch
ADVANTAGE: Punch. Got cussed out by Kurt Busch last season, but everyone MFs Berman…

Wilfork: Hungry?
Most Imposing Physical Specimen
Daytona 500: 53-year old, workout obsessed driver Mark Martin.
Super Bowl: 325-pound Patriots DT Vince Wilfork.
ADVANTAGE: Wilfork. His pre-game breakfast outweighs Martin.

Celebrity Sightings:
Super Bowl XLVI: Justin Bieber, Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor and three Kardashians.
Daytona 500: Dale Earnhardt, Jr.
ADVANTAGE: Daytona. Blame the Kardashians.

Biggest Bomb:
Super Bowl XLVI: Tom Brady to Wes Welker.
Daytona 500: Landon Cassill’s tenure with Front Row Motorsports.

Sorry, Ingrid...
Supermodels In Attendance:
Daytona 500: Ingrid “Mrs. Jeff Gordon” Vandebosch
Super Bowl XLVI: Giselle “Mrs. Tom Brady” Bundchen.
ADVANTAGE: Push. I’ve always been a Kathy Ireland kind of guy.

Winner’s Trophy
Super Bowl XLVI: Vince Lombardi Trophy.
Daytona 500: Harley J. Earl Trophy. 
ADVANTAGE: Super Bowl.  “Legendary football coach” trumps “obscure automotive designer” every time.


  1. Nice work Dave!!! NASCAR WINS!!!

  2. Tracie Bellerose3:58 PM

    It depends... I say Superbowl this year because the Patriots are in it other then that its always the great American race..Daytona 500:):):) GO PAT'S!!!!!!!!!

  3. Very good article, DM. And thanks for including the pics. I never knew that Danica had a Panama City Beach license plate.

  4. madmax4:36 PM

    LMAO...Great job Dave,but my vote is for the Daytona 500.Yes,I'll be watching the Superbowl but when Daytona comes around I wont have to wait 6 HOURS for the KICK-OFF...Keep-up the good work as always.

  5. Anonymous5:40 PM

    absolutely no contest. nascar wins hands down, everytime. football is nothing more than a bunch of sissys standing around, playing 15 or 16 games a year for 30 seconds @ a time,and whine when somebody suggests they play expand the schedule a play one more game.
    real men risk their lives at 200mph for our entertainment for hours at a time for 38 races a year. how can football compete with that? just my opinion,
    Jeff Parsons, woodstock, Ont, Canada

    1. Jeff, did you actually read the story? If so, read it again. It was a humor piece, not a debate about football vs NASCAR.

  6. Anonymous10:37 PM

    Was with you right up until Ingrid.

  7. Anonymous10:49 PM

    More great observations by the Godfather! See ya in Daytona

  8. Anonymous11:58 PM


    Gentlemen (and gentlelady) Start your $%%&^%#%^ engines. Enough is enough.

    Doug from NJ

  9. Yep, NASCAR wins. You really have to watch "Desperate Housewives"?

  10. Anonymous8:40 PM

    How many people watch the Super Bowl and how many watch the 500/

    How much is an ad for the Super Bowl and how much does one cost for Daytona?

    Who gets a parade through NYC?

    1. Did you actually bother to read the column before commenting? It was a humor piece!!

  11. Anonymous12:38 AM

    Mrs. Almendinger trumps Mrs. Brady.

  12. Anonymous5:42 AM

    Too bad Desperate Housewives wasn't on last night.

    And normally I'd agree with the Anthem choice, but have to give props to Clarkson, she did an amazing job with it and did our country proud!

  13. Anonymous8:22 AM

    I've never heard of your so-called "legendary football coach". Who cares about some guy from 75 years ago?

    I definitely know the designer of the Firebird on Buick Y-Job, and the man who conceived of tailfins, which continue to mark the era when American cars were the envy of the world.

    The rest is pretty much spot-on but I'll reserve judgement on the Martina v Kelly battle until McBride actually completes her part of the deal. Kelly did a great job and delivered the anthem without flourish or added drama.

  14. Anonymous10:56 PM

    Kathy Ireland! Very underrated

  15. Yeah man! I read your post. Its make me feel better. Thanks once again.